Not Even Not Zen 432: The History of Love (as a Software Product)

 The History of Love (as a Software Product)

In the 1980s and 1990s, software companies issued their software complete with a history of the changes from the previous releases. This let buyers read about the features introduced with each version. It also gave purchasers a sense of how the product was progressing. 

In the 1990s, I wrote my first description of Love as a software product, complete with its software history. It was a satire about the world of my employment.

I got the idea on the day before Valentine's. Ignoring work and homework - I was in the Computer Science master's program - I dashed off the prank software release to three people. The next year, I planned in advance. This time, I sent an expanded edition to a full dozen. Then the joke seemed to grow stale. I skipped a year. I skipped another. More foolishness happened in the IT business world. I got inspired again by it and sent out an update of the Love Newsletter. 

Then, of course, life happened. I forgot about it for years.

When I found the Love software release again. I updated it for the Not Zen blog. A year later, I updated it again. And one more time. And now.

Love: The Corporate Release History
From Monolithic

Press Release: Love Version 12
Special Reporting by Secret Hippie

A Word to Our Users
from Monolithic Software
The Newest Release of Love   (TM)

Product History

Love 1.0: By today's hardware standards, there were many deficiencies in the first release of Love, a product designed entirely with the New Parent market in mind. It was a strong, basic operating system - adequate for its time - but it has grown tremendously since. It should be noted that Love's basic foundation was solid, as has been proven over many years and billions of customers.

Love 1.1: Several features were added due to early consumer demand. These included Love for Pre-Adolescents, Love for Seniors, Love for Siblings, and Love for In-Laws and Other Relations.

Love 1.2: Due to complaints from users with special, problem In-Laws, patches were added to the 1.1 version code in an attempt to fix their situation.

Love 1.4: The Monolithic team added Love for Pets. It was an instant hit. This popular feature has been carried forward in all releases. Further patches to the In-Laws code were issued with this release.

Love 2.0: Critics applauded the new, friendlier interface for Love, which divided the program into five sections: Agape, Eros, Narcissus, Familia, and Platonia. Users found it easier to get all sorts of Love. This was the version which made the product a household word. There were a few system crashes caused by users attempting to make the product achieve things the designers did not anticipate.

Love 2.02: Patches to the 2.0 code were installed to prevent affection crashes under unusual circumstances.

Love 2.03: An Arranged-Marriage module was added. Love for Pre-Adolescents was extended to cover adolescents.

Love 2.1: A same-sex "lifelong" feature was added. The In-Laws section was re-coded and renamed 'Extended Familia.'

Love 2.3: This release was issued by mistake. (The version number is unofficial.) A tool in it featured several programmer shortcuts which, when abused by inexperienced Lovers, often resulted in complete affection destruction. It was briefly popular. Pirate copies of this version still exist.

Love 3.0: Single parents greeted this release with joy at the new Step-Parents feature in Agape. This module (still recognized as superbly written, despite competitors' attempts to offer alternative arrangements in the same market) is in use in its original form in the most recent release. Unfortunately, this particular Love sold poorly and had to be pulled from circulation due to difficulties in the interface.

Love 3.1: Errors in interface design were fixed in response to customer complaints. A move toward standardization of the hardware situation (in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia, and the Americas) made stable code seem within reach to our programmers. The drive toward "perfect" code started.

Love 3.2: A safety feature was added to prevent Lovers from disfiguring themselves (a common occurrence with early affection engines). Additional safety features are now available in Love. No product can be perfectly safe; caution with affections is always advised.

Love 3.3: Despite some inadequacies with respect to modern hardware, this version of Love has proven very robust; it was the result of the attempt (now recognized as impossible) to create perfect code. In fact, 3.3 is still in use in many regions of the globe. This was the most popular release of Love, partly due to pirate copies. All of the main features for which Love is famous are present in 3.3, though some special tasks may prove unreasonably difficult to achieve. Upgrade from this version is strongly recommended.

Love 4.0: The evolution of the user environment prompted an entirely new look at the Love operating system. Hardware began to last longer and require more intricate management. The Eros and Familia sections had to be modified. Twenty-three new modules were added in an attempt to supply Love to "expandable" systems designed to stand the tests of time. The overall package was revolutionary. Unfortunately, some copies (no one knows how many) of 4.0 were released with a virus.

Love 4.01: A patch was added in the form of basic virus-protection. This protection, it should be noted, is now regarded as inadequate in today's environment. Monolithic corporation urges users to upgrade or to buy third-party protection if they intend to continue running any outdated release.

Love 4.1: The Extended Familia feature was disabled. A Distance Relationship package was offered in its place. (Mapping functions and travel recommendations from Monolithic were included.)

Love 4.4: A special War-Time Love edition. Very rare. Included are all the familiar Love features but the sum total was repackaged and offered to service families at a lower price. One notable change was the Distance Relationship module, which was expanded to include all possible permutations at the time (a feat made possible by the brilliance and dedication of war-time programmers and engineers). Distance Relationships are still an important affection market and Love is still the overarching provider.

Love 5.0: This is one of a handful of versions considered to be “classic.” It is very stable in most of its features. However, the new and completely-revised In-Law module failed under certain hardware configurations.

Love 5.03: This is the free upgrade version distributed to purchasers of Love 5.0. Special handlers in the In-Law module prevented most crashes. Some of the code in this section worked slowly. Users were advised to be patient with In-Laws.

Love 5.5: In this edition, a special Commuter module was added to the Distance Relationship package. Contrary to popular rumor, this module was not 'stolen' from the Traveling Salesman package offered by a rival company. (Note: the company in question is no longer in existence. Monolithic has acquired the Traveling Salesperson responsibility.)

Love 6.0: With changes in hardware becoming more frequent, Love stepped up to the speed challenge.

Love 6.1: Special Love Compression software arrived. With heart space at a premium, code reduction schemes allowed for the queuing and unpacking of various emotions necessary to run the new, more-complete In-Laws module. The lack of necessary affection channels in most hardware kept these modules from being practical, previously.

Love 6.2: Due to lawsuits involving the Love Compression engine, this version shipped without it. The In-Law module available in 6.1 continued to be offered but with a special disclaimer in the setup program as to the extra space needed to house the unpacked code.

Love 99: This release presented a radical change from previous versions. Lovers benefited from a smoother interface. Allegations arose that the look and feel were unfairly similar to the Adore (now iAdore) package. Fortunately, court decisions sided with the Love designers. The Monolithic interface to emotions continued to grow.

Love XL: A new generation of lovers required extra large devotion with additional features. As a bonus, the Love XL package came with the ability to troll for compliments at leading social sites like MyPassion.

Love Visa: Designers allowed for an improvement in touch interface. However, this version did not perform well with the newest generation of hardware. In this release, the company lost market share for the first time.

Love 7.0: This release achieved “classic” status in the opinions of many reviewers. The new Love Expander module competed strongly with iAdore and won back market share. Thanks to a more efficient Nepotism affection engine, the In-Laws module cemented its hold in business relationships.

Love 8.0: In the era during which MyPassion gave way to LikeFace and gSpot, Love concentrated on reaching out via mobile phones. A new generation of Lovers got a new interface.

Love 8.1: Improvements arrived to Love telecommunications. Many of those found their way into traditional Love hardware. Popular business apps like Quickie and LinkedUp stimulated offices around the globe. Small companies made games like HeartRace and Lovey Birds compatible with the Monolithic environment. Developers made antivirus protection part of the standard Love feature set.

Love 10: Love was everywhere. Most especially, it was in the air with LoveCloud. As demanded by our business customers and as a free add-on feature for our single Lovers (with a small monthly maintenance charge), a new wave of technology arrived to spread Love even farther. With LoveCloud, affections grew shared more widely and more securely. Customers used LoveCloud in business, during official and recreational travel, and at home.

Love 10.1: Cumulative patches to the LoveCloud service allowed for more security. Users reported the benefits to having their Love tracked more precisely. Advertising associated with affections grew more targeted.

Love 10.2: Some governments tracked forbidden affections too closely. With this version, LoveCloud became unavailable in some nations. The ever/present service experienced outages in some parts of the United States.

Love 10.3: Love as a Monolithic SaaS grew. However, our terms of service changed. With this release, the company added extra security so that unsubscribing required an in-person call to verify the transaction. More types of multifactor authentication were integrated into the subscription process.

Love 11: LoveBugs

Who doesn't love getting swarmed by LoveBugs? With this release, the corporation gave Love a set of AI subroutines. Each module possessed independent intelligence in the style of a robot. This did not make Love agentic in modern terms but the results greatly improved the speed of affection. If the sibling module could not attach, often three or four pet modules stepped in and took its place. This was a qualitative leap forward in Love.

Love 11.1: Love B&D with Love Prompts

As it turns out, a few people didn't like the idea of getting swarmed by LoveBugs. The initial release 11 remained popular but the name and the low intelligence of the LoveBugs drew ire from affectionware hobbyists. An improved release of Love, 'Backpropagation & Deep' was chosen as an upgrade to the technology and also as an alternative branding.

Love 11.2: Love S&M

Monolithic delivered patches into production speedily for the next upgrade, Love, Structured and Modeled. Natural Language Processing assisted users who wanted to adjust their terms of service. More to the point, most users achieved a deeper, more reliable affection with this release. However, within a month, the branding would change. Also, Monolithic dismissed the head of the marketing team responsible for choosing product names.

Love 11.3: LoveLearner

This was the final rebranding of the version 11 release. Monolithic downplayed the LoveRAG and the Love training. Nevertheless, people all around the world enjoyed the features they provide. Love Learner, fortunately, turned out to be an excellent branding. Everyone loves to learn about love.

Love Generation

Monolithic corporation heard the call of the public for Artificial Love. We acquired the LoveChat engine, which we combined with our powerful LoveCloud to form our Love Generation. The LoveGen (TM) service offered more intelligent matching, catfish games, special distance add-ons, premium services, and custom writing. (Motto: "Whether it's your words going out or their words coming back or an enhanced version of your mutual chat, you will definitely find yourself in Love!")

NOW INTRODUCING

Love 13: LoveAgent

With this release we have the Agent of Love!

A Love Agent can take your ideas (or even a sketch) and generate cards that you would have written if you'd had the time. The special person in your life deserves a handwritten, individual message. Now you can give them one every day. 

Love Agent can take the love you’ve got and make it better. It can take love you might feel is getting stale and make it new again. Love Agent has learned from millions of stories of love. That's why it can make your love into the most moving story there is, as everyone wishes theirs could be.

Note: in testing, we had occasional complaints of hallucinations. However, you can do worse than to hallucinate you are in love.

AS ALWAYS 

FreeLove is Not Monolithic
 
As always, we must issue this disclaimer: You may have heard of an open source product called FreeLove, originally produced by a former employee of ours using many modules of our original code. This hobbyist product is under legal dispute and it is not covered under Monolithic terms of use. It is strictly an imitation. You should be warned there have been complaints about the FreeLove line of affections. FreeLove has design flaws and bugs in implementation. Of course, it is free and you may think it is a good bargain until it ruins some important relationship. Remember that you end up paying for what you get.